IDK

It's been a week since school has started. Nothing bad has happened, all is good and well. However, I've been feeling down and depressed for no reason. I don't know, I think I'm always looking for a reason to be sad. I can't even explain how I feel because I don't even know how I feel like right now.
I've been semi-stressing about college too. I want to go to the Art Academy in SF but then there are so many things to consider. Taking AP and Honors classes would be a waste (although I don't really care about that part) but then the thought of living on my own scares me. I've never been away from my family and truthfully I don't even want to go to college. A part of me feels fine with just going to the community college right across my high school. But of course I dare not let that happen. And then there are those lame orientations. Seriously, I hate meeting new people because when I do, I tend to put on this fake act and voice. And I can't help it because it's just natural for me to do that. Ack, I hate being all bubbly and happy, it's so not me and so fake.
I don't want to grow up at all. But I know I have to. Seconds and minutes are ticking by as I type in these words on my keyboard and there's no way to stop the future from coming. I'm getting one step closer and closer.